A Thanksgiving table idea borrowed from Father's Day: pick one word for each of your kids, and tell them the moment you saw it.
Thanksgiving dinner might be the one night of the year when everyone at your table expects someone to say something that matters. The food goes around, somebody asks what everyone's thankful for, and most of us say "my family" and pass the potatoes. I've done it plenty of times. My kids hear that they're on the list, but they never hear why.
This weekend I want to try something different. It came out of a Father's Day that didn't go the way I planned.
The letters that didn't land
A few years ago, I heard Jonathan Brozozog share a tradition of his. Every Father's Day he writes each of his kids a letter about who he's watched them become over the past year, and he reads it to them. I loved it. It turns Father's Day from a day about the dad into a day about the kids.
So two years ago I tried it. I poured my heart into those letters. I was picturing a core memory, a quiet room, kids hanging on every word.
What I actually had was a four-year-old, a two-year-old and a baby. They were not going to sit down and listen to their dad read a letter, no matter how much heart went into it.
I was disappointed. But it taught me something I keep coming back to: just because something works for one dad doesn't mean it works for every dad. The idea was good, but the format didn't fit my kids at that age.
What I kept, and what I changed
So last year, I kept the heart of Jonathan's idea and rebuilt it around my kids. I started the Dad Awards.
Invitations went out ahead of time. On Father's Day, I wore a suit, played Oscar-style music, laid out their favourite snacks and put a slideshow on the TV. Every category had nominees, and the nominees included their stuffed animals and favourite cartoon characters. Each kid came up to the "stage" in front of the couch, got a certificate decorated with whatever they were into (unicorns, dinosaurs, sports) and heard a short speech about why they won. Then dinner and a movie.
The production made it fun. The part that mattered was the word. Each award was one word I'd watched that child live out over the year. The first year, it was Courageous, Compassionate, Caring and Charismatic.
This year, my oldest won Seeker because she never accepts "just because." She wants to know why. My son won Generous, because sharing finally started bringing him real joy, to the point that he'll buy something and split it with his siblings. His younger brother won Determined, because once he has a plan in his head, he sees it through, his way, every time. And Emily won Perseverance for being pregnant and sick through most of this year and still showing up for our kids every single day. That one wasn't close.
Why one word works
A letter is long, and my kids remember about one line of anything long. A word is short enough to stick.
And when you attach the word to a specific moment, your kid has proof you meant it. "You're generous" is nice. "You're Generous, and I know it because I watched you buy something and split it with your siblings" is something a kid can hold onto. It tells them you were paying attention when they didn't know anyone was watching.
It works at any age. Little kids get the ceremony. Older kids get the reason. And it works for more than kids, which is why the most deserved award in our house this year went to Emily.
Try this weekend
Thanksgiving gives you the same thing Father's Day does: a day when everyone expects you to say something that matters. Use it for them.
Before dinner, pick one word for each of your kids. Pick the one you've actually watched them grow into this year, rather than the one you're hoping for. Then find one specific moment that proves it.
At the table, when the "what are you thankful for" question comes around, skip "my family" and go kid by kid. One word, one moment, a sentence or two each. If your kids are little, make a small production of it. If they're older, keep it simple and say it like you mean it.
A few questions to help you find the word:
- What did this kid do this year that surprised you?
- What did they get better at, even when it was hard for them?
- When did you catch them doing the right thing when they didn't know you were watching?
Find the version that fits your family. Mine took a suit and Oscar music. Yours might take thirty seconds between the turkey and the pie.
What word would you give each of your kids this year? And have you told them?